I Love Whit!

I blew it. It’s been five days since I put anything up here. And I’m without excuse…sigh…

Anywhoozzle.

Whit and I had it out about a month ago. We never really fight. Neither of us has intentionally said something hurtful to the other. We never yell. But we were both pretty (read – really freaking) mad at one another. It seems, as is usually the case, each of us had expectations of the other that we never told them about. It was hard and it sucked (short-term, anyhow) to go through that. It made me sad and angry and frustrated and hopeless. And then like a Grade-A D-Bag when I realized that I had spent over an hour lecturing her like I’m her freaking mom. Not cool.

In tears as I type this, I’m so ashamed of how I handle things sometimes. At the time, I always feel ‘in the right’ or justified. I try, I really do, to wear Whitney’s shoes. I sincerely want to know exactly how she feels and where she’s coming from. Because I want to fix it so that she doesn’t ever have to feel bad ever again.

But where I fail sometimes is that I think that just because I don’t yell, that I’m not mean. It’s true, I don’t yell — and I don’t say anything intentionally meant to be mean spirited or hurt Whitney. I’m sure, though, that I could work on my tone. Because when I look back, I hate feeling like I lectured my sweetheart. She’s not my child! She’s not my servant or employee! She’s my teammate. My heart. 

And what’s more, even after I blow it — Whit still takes my feelings to heart. Even though I could’ve been better about telling her about my feelings, she really stepped up to the plate. The last month or so has been my happiest in a long time. I’m humbled by Whit’s willingness to put me first.

I don’t deserve her.

She deserves so much better than me.

But I’ll spend my whole life becoming the man Whit deserves.